Anyone who knows us at Together will know what a thoroughly knowledgeable bunch we are. Ask us a question about how many owls it would take to fight a polar bear and we will instantly nail you with the correct answer (14. Obviously).
And there’s nothing we know more about than the world of marketing. So, because we’re all about sharing, we’ve cobbled together some our top tips for copywriting.
We hope you find them ever so helpful (you probably won’t).
1. It is better to write a good sentence than be smashed in the face with a bag full of soup.
2. Every time you spell a word wrong, stab yourself in the neck with a hot teaspoon. You’ll soon lern. Ow.
3. Words are like badgers. Angry.
4. Are you an elk? Elks cannot write. Stop writing, elk.
5. Always smell your words. Do they smell like gravy? Then they are bad words.
6. Never tell anyone you are a copywriter. Lie, and tell them you are Wesley Snipes.
7. Pick your favourite letter of the alphabet. Ask it out. Take it to the cinema. Buy it some Wine Gums.
8. Nottingham Forest footballer Dexter Blackstock hates copywriters. If he sees you he will punch you in the gullet.
9. Look at your headline. Does it look like a former Arsenal full back? It is not a headline, it’s Lee Dixon.
10. Words are not your friends. Your friends are not words. Wasps are neither friends nor words. They are wasps.
11. When writing, use a pencil. Don’t just keep dipping your finger in soup.
12. Show your copy to a crow. If he eats it, you know it was rubbish.
13. When writing, think like a squid, move like a squid, attack minky whales like a squid.
14. Never write clever ideas on the back of a pike. It will swim away.
15. Look at your copy. Is it better than Top Gun? It probably isn’t.